Passt hier etwas besser rein als in den normalen Witze-Thread:
A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, "Harry, what´s your problem?"
Harry answered, "I´m too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I´m smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!"
Ms. Brooks had had enough. She took Harry to the principal´s office.
While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave. She agreed.
Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.
Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"
Harry: "9".
Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"
Harry: "36".
And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader should know.
The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her, "I think Harry can go to the 3rd grade."
Ms. Brooks says to the principal, "Let me ask him some questions."
The principal and Harry both agreed.
Ms. Brooks asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?"
Harry, after a moment: "Legs."
Ms. Brooks: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?"
The principal wondered, why would she ask such a question!
Harry replied: "Pockets."
Ms. Brooks: "What does a dog do that a man steps into?"
Harry: "Pants"
Ms. Brooks: What´s starts with a C, ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin, whitish liquid?
Harry: "Coconut."
The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open.
Ms. Brooks: "What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?"
The principal´s eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the answer.
Harry: "Bubble gum"
Ms. Brooks: "What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?"
Harry: "Shake hands."
The principal was trembling.
Ms. Brooks: "What word starts with an ´F´ and ends in ´K´ that means a lot of heat and excitement?"
Harry: "Firetruck"
The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I got the last seven question wrong.
After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring.
He kept roaring and roaring until a hunter came along and shot him.
The moral: When you´re full of bull, keep your mouth shut.
Der hier ist etwas fies:
Jokes can go overboard somtimes and really hurt peoples feeling you know!!!
For instance.....
Last week I was at the liquor store and this black man came up and asked me if the Yankees won???
I replied "Hell ya they have man, did´nt you hear. your free your free. Youve been amancipated!"
Now I woke up in the hospital yesterday and I thought that we all could learn a lesson or two here!
What Not To Say To A Cop
1. I can´t reach my license unless you hold my beer.
2. Sorry, I didn´t realize that my radar detector wasn´t on.
3. Aren´t you the guy from the village people?
4. Hey you must have been going 125mph just to keep up with me.
5. I thought you had to be in good physical condition to be a cop.
6. Bad cop! No donut!
7. You´re gonna check the trunk, aren´t you?
8. I was going to be a cop, really, but I decided to finish high school.
9. I pay your salary.
10. That´s terrific, the last guy only gave me a warning also.
11. Is that a 9mm? It´s nothing compared to this .44 magnum!
12. What do you mean, have I been drinking? You´re a trained specialist.
13. Do you know why you pulled me over? Good, at least one of us does.
14. By the looks of that gut, I bet I can outrun you.
15. Didn´t I see you get your butt kicked on Cops?
16. Is it true people become cops because they are too dumb to work at McDonalds?
17. I was trying to keep up with traffic.
18. Yes, I know there are no other cars around—that´s how far they are ahead of me.
19. Well, when I reached down to pick up my bag of crack, my gun fell off my lap and got lodged between the brake pedal and gas pedal, forcing me to speed out of control.
